Like her first book, Listen offers the reader insight and comfort and a useful tool in each individual’s attempt to be supportive when confronted with difficult conversations and situations. I heartily recommend it. The range of situations and various voices used in the examples feel real. You see the difference that lifting the phone and calling the samaritans has made to people's lives. They are a reminder that no matter what you are going through, you are never alone. From the best-selling author of With the End in Mind , this is a book about the conversations that matter and how to have them better - more honestly, more confidently and without regret. This is a little different from the other books about listening that I have listed because it centers the skill within the practice of mindfulness. As someone with an interest in Buddhism, I was interested in how the author related it to listening and it made a lot of sense to me: Some people see zen or mindfulness as empty buzzwords, but her message can be summed up quite simply:

This is less of a guide on difficult conversations and developing listening skills than a invaluable source of improving our lives for the better. I think there are so many of us who would benefit from the life stories and advice of this superb book, offering opportunities for gaining peace of mind. There is an emphasis on communities and connections, for equality amongst the participants of any conversations, that the process is collaborative, and an acceptance that you might not know what is at play. This is not something I often say, but I think this is a book for everyone, which is why I am highly recommending this as a must read. Many thanks to the publisher for an ARC. Including her own personal stories works so well, even showing us when she hasn’t used the skills herself, most notably on one occasion when she fails to tell a terminally ill woman she is dying. And it was hard not to be moved by the man determined to shave himself, a finally act of dignity before he died.I really liked the analogy of dancing and conversastion - there are lots of different components, and the speaker and the listener can fall into step together. This book is, in a way, a guide for everyday difficult conversations, but it has a very clinical approach. Mannix is a doctor, after all, and most of this book focuses on how to deal with illness and death, helping our family and friends when they're afraid as well as dealing with our own feelings. Many police officers will recall the first ‘death message’ they delivered. In chapter three, ‘Building bridges’, the author recalls running away from a difficult conversation with a patient who asked her if she was going to die. Despite knowing this was very likely, Dr Mannix replied, ‘of course not’, removing the patient’s opportunity to say goodbye to her family. The patient died the following morning. Mannix believes that one of the most powerful tools for a tender conversation is silence. "It's just to shut up, get out of the way verbally and allow the person to feel those sorrowful or angry feelings and just be present." The feeling of wanting to fill the silence is well-intentioned, but it can be misguided. "It's incredible how much people want to help," said Mannix, "but oftentimes, the most valuable gift at a moment of crisis is silent companionship."Instead of dispensing advice, she advises to ask open-ended questions, such as, "Do you have any information about this situation? Have you ever dealt with a problem like that in the past? If a friend had a problem like this, what would you advise them to do? What worries you the most about the situation?" Help name someone's worst fear and give them space to hold it, she says. 4. Never use the phrase, "At least…" This is a book about empathy, about supporting people – whether they are your family, friends, or patients.

PS. If you find Listen interesting, don't miss her other book With the End in Mind: Dying, Death and Wisdom in an Age of Denial Tried and tested approaches can help to smooth the way. Here are 10 useful tips from my experience as a psychotherapist and doctor, developed while working in some of the highest-stakes discussions – the tender conversations taking place as people face the end of life. These principles apply whether you are chatting in person, over the phone or during a video call. You can even use them in text message conversations. Because talking about death won’t make it happen. But not talking about it robs us of choices and moments that will not come again” Instead of “difficult” conversations, I call them “tender” – and that attitude can make all the difference. Invite, don’t insistThere are moments when we must talk, listen and be there for one another. Why do we so often come away from those times feeling like we could have done more or should have been braver in the face of discomfort? Why do we skirt the conversations that might matter most? This is a beautiful book … Too often people want their friends and relations to take all the difficult talk to a therapist, there has to be more than the professional listeners who know how to have a mutually impactful beautiful, tender conversation. This is a book for everyone … I actually feel listened to by reading it’Philippa Perry - When we engage in a tender conversation with somebody, we create a safe place for them to suffer: we don’t cause their suffering, but we can accompany and support them in it”. I cannot recommend this book more highly and it is one I will read again as I try a lot harder to put into practice all that she writes about. I will inevitable realise that I could do better and expect to reread this book from time to time to refresh my memory until having better conversations and listening appropriately comes as second nature to me. There are points when she talks about a group of teenagers who are learning listening skills and how to communicate with others on difficult topics. The maturity of these teenagers to grasp the needs and how things should be ideally is impressive and an inspiration. It is also a reminder that this book should be read by so many people, including our young people who are striving to support those around them through challenging times.

In the end, human wellbeing is rooted in community and nurrtured by being listened to and understood." Mannix compares these tender conversations to two people dancing. One person leads, but never forces. There is a constant rebalancing and give-and-take. Asking questions can be a way of opening up someone to a possibility. In this way, the leader's role flips. They become the listener and can guide the conversation to where it needs to go. 3. Be curious, open-minded and humbleThis is one of those books about listening that should be in every school, workplace, every home. It will also give you the confidence in your newly found listening skills to approach friends, family, or even strangers and ask them the three little words that can make such a difference to a person's life: Are you alright? It's estimated that we spend 60% of our time in conversation listening (though we all know people where it feels closer to 99%) and research has shown that we only recall 25% of what's said. There are moments when we must talk, listen and be there for one another. Why do we so often come away from those times feeling like we could have done more, or should have been braver in the face of discomfort? Why do we skirt the conversations that might matter most?

While I am not a medic, I found this book very helpful for conversations in my own everyday life. It’s made me more mindful of the other person and how to listen better. I think this book really should be read by everyone. This is a wonderfully practical book, well laid out and easy to read. The language is familiar and conversational, and the illustrations are a nice touch. Stories help us to make sense of the world, and our experiences within it, from a very young age. Sometimes things go round and round in our head, and we can’t make sense of them; we can’t get hold of the threads and tease them out. But as soon as someone engages us in a conversation in which we can explain our dilemma – and plant it out, one stepping stone at a time in front of us – they help us. Understanding the value of silence is key to tender conversations" and on that note. I'll finish this review.As a palliative care doctor, Mannix has talked to countless families about the death of a loved one. She realized that the techniques that she's learned are "not just about end of life conversations, but about all those conversations that we feel a bit daunted about." Many of us think we are engaged listeners. Letting the other person speak, nodding when we need to, and paying just enough attention to be able to respond to what they are saying. But the reality is that many of us don't know the difference between active vs passive listening.