Using an MGI doesn’t make a bad behavior OK. It just helps you see the good kid or adult who is under the behavior. This encourages intervention from a place of seeing our kid as a good kid having a hard time, not a bad kid doing bad things. This mindset difference is everything. 2. Know your job. Raising children with the good-inside approach is ultimately about love and respect. Most behaviors that children exhibit should be easily understandable. After all, we have many of those same behaviors even as adults. Recognize that behavior isn’t the problem and that changing behavior isn’t the ultimate goal. Your child is good inside. There’s a reason they’re behaving the way they are. Your approach to their behavior has to start with connection. Your job is to hold boundaries. And by doing these things, you’re creating an environment that allows your child to feel safe, loved, and good on the outside. Genres Connection-building is ongoing and it creates the best environment for kids to bring their inside good to the outside, but it doesn’t do away with unwanted behaviors. In the next section, let’s talk first about bad behaviors, and then about normal behaviors that look bad. When Disconnection Occurs But what you will do is build strong, sustainable relationships with your children that give them the resources they need to become confident, empowered adults. And, as a bonus, you can say goodbye to parent guilt, discouragement, and fear. Boundaries are not what we tell kids not to do; boundaries are what we tell kids what we will do.” Behavior is a window

Good Inside Good Inside

In this way, the good-inside method isn’t about honoring feelings and giving children whatever they want; it’s about honoring feelings and holding boundaries. In this summary, you’ll learn how to use connection-based strategies and find a way to hold your boundaries while teaching your child how to navigate their feelings and experiences without fear, shame, or self-doubt. We must give children the circuitry of consent. If they don’t want hugs from their grandparents, they shouldn’t get hugs from their grandparents. No should always mean “No” and not a joking “yes.” I believe that my job as a mother is to parent in a way that points my child towards reliance on Jesus. Taking it a step further, the objective of parenting, to me, is to guide my children towards that fundamental sense of identity that comes from knowing that we were created by a God who is loving and sovereign. In contrast, parenting under the assumption that your child is “bad” breeds an environment of shame and darkness.In summary, I think every parent should read this book. This review really only scratches the surface. Every time I opened the book to reference for this post, I’d find something else I wanted to include. I had to finally just cut myself off, lol! When you see a child hesitate to join the group, that’s actually a good thing. They’re trying to understand what’s going on before jumping in. You can help your child by talking about something big beforehand or by sitting with them through their hesitancy and answering any questions they may have. Don’t push them into a situation they don’t feel comfortable with. In the end, you want them to be able to trust their feelings, and that won’t happen if you tell them their feelings are wrong by pushing them into something they don’t want to do. Overall positive: Yes, it is good to assume kids are real and having real feelings, and talk to them like they are humans. We talk a lot in the Christian faith about grace: God’s grace for us, grace for ourselves, grace for the people we love and the people we don’t. What I think this book does so well is illustrate what that grace looks like in the most practical sense of parenting–what does grace look like when my kid is having a tantrum? What does grace look like when my kid has lied to me or hits their sibling? “You’re a good kid having a hard time”

Good Inside with Dr. Becky on Apple Podcasts ‎Good Inside with Dr. Becky on Apple Podcasts

Here’s how it would go if we did it the traditional way: My child is scared of this new situation. He looks to me, the adult, for guidance on how to handle it. I tell him it’s a birthday party. It’s safe. He will have fun. I validate that new situations are frightening. But feelings don’t always match reality.Here’s a sample script to bring all of these elements together: “I was having big feelings that came out in a yelling voice. Those were my feelings and it’s my job to work on managing them better. It’s never your fault when I yell. I love you.” “Parenting doesn’t have to be defined by moments of struggle.” Sleep separation anxiety should start with day time separation anxiety and should be worked on during the day time. Put a picture of yourself next to their bed and a picture of you next to your bed to solidify that connection that they want at night. Do dry runs during the day of what the bedtime routine should look like.

Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming - OceanofPDF [PDF] [EPUB] Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming - OceanofPDF

Yes, it makes sense to treat kids like humans, but if you are saying that children process things differently from adults, stop saying that the way you would feel when you heard a certain statement is obviously how a kid would also feel. And don't assume that all adults react to things the same way! (ha the coffeeshop example). Dzīvesspēka stiprināšana nozīmē attīstīt spēju izturēt grūtības, neatkāpties sarežģītā, izaicinošā dzīves brīdī, atrast pamatu zem kājām un labo pat tad, ja trūkst pierādījumu par to, ka gaidāmi panākumi. Nepievēršot uzmanību tam, kas notiek dziļāk, zem virsējā slāņa, mēs nespēsim mainīt spēkus, kas ierosina bērna uzvedību. Tas būtu līdzīgi kā nolikt spaini vietā, kur no griestiem tek ūdens, nevis meklēt cēloni, kāpēc tas tek. Ja pievēršamies galvenokārt uzvedībai, mēs zaudējam iespēju palīdzēt saviem bērniem attīstīt prasmes, kā arī palaižam garām iespēju raudzīties uz saviem bērniem kā uz cilvēkiem, nevis uzvedību kopumā. To learn more about this book and how it can help you transform your parenting experience, read on for a comprehensive summary and review of its main ideas and strategies. As a Christian, I fundamentally disagree with that statement. Scripture teaches in the beginning yes, we were 100% good inside, designed in the image of our creator. But then we made a horrible choice and were deceived into choosing to put our trust in evil things and allow that evil to penetrate our hearts at the deepest level making us actually bent towards things not good.

Conclusion

Proverbs 29:15 - The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.

Book Summary: Good Inside by Becky Kennedy Book Summary: Good Inside by Becky Kennedy

I think that sometimes as parents we assume we are being authoritarian or controlling if we choose to hold a boundary. And if we loosen up on a boundary because our kid is upset, then we are letting our kid walk all over us. It can be hard to find a balance, but I think the beauty is in the balance. If we remind ourselves that “two things can be true,” we know that we can hold a boundary while also accepting and listening to our kid’s reaction to that boundary. And again, this is not to say that we let our kids walk all over us because they were probably doing the best they could at that moment. It’s more about the way we approach these interactions and hold the boundary from a place of love. Happiness vs. resilience All of this leads to the final piece of the foundation you need for building better relationships with your children: know your job. Know that it’s your job to hold boundaries, but it’s not your job to change your child’s feelings.

Part Three: Navigating Common Parenting Challenges

Dzīvesspēks nav statiska rakstura iezīme, kas bērnam vai nu piemīt, vai trūkst, tā ir prasme, ko var izkopt un ko vecāki palīdz attīstīt kopš mazotnes. In this Blink, you’ll learn how to use connection-based strategies and find a way to hold your boundaries while teaching your child how to navigate their feelings and experiences without fear, shame, or self-doubt. The early years matter because long before a child has conscious memory, they store memory in their bodies. They recognize the people in their lives who make them feel safe and loved. They form attachments and connections. Paradoxically, the more secure they feel with a parent, the freer they feel to be curious, explore, and push boundaries. Imagine your child is twenty-five years old. Do you want your child to be able to say, ‘No, that’s not okay with me,’ when someone asks her an inappropriate question? Do you want her to be able to ask for a raise? To be able to tell her partner, ‘I need you to talk to me more respectfully’? If we want our kids to be able to recognize their wants and needs as adults, then we need to start seeing tantrums as an essential part of their development.” Parenting is self-development Also, I kept thinking I wish I had read this when I was in the classroom. The central premise of seeing behavior as an expression of needs, and not one’s inherent identity, would have humanized the way I interacted with students on so many occasions.